Put the kids to bed, this is the adult version of Real Housewives of New Jersey.
This episode should be named "Gorga Sex Ed 101," since we learned more about Joe Gorga's libido than any over-the-top promo could have predicted. Apparently, Joe is used to getting some lovin' every night, and is furious with wife Melissa for holding out on him for four days and refusing to have sex with him after last week's fashion show-down. When Teresa explains how exhausted she was from all the drama, Joe seems pretty understanding ...
"You should be waking up for me! Take a shot of espresso, throw some water on your face, wake up!" he exclaims in front of their kids.
"You know how much stress I've got? I've got all this poison in my body," he rants. "You know what stress will do to a man? Kill him!"
Good thing his children haven't had Sex Ed yet, because his eldest daughter thinks he's talking about watching T.V., which is sort of cute, yet also a horrible foreshadowing of the years of therapy to come.Meanwhile, Teresa is having a photo shoot in the city for her second cookbook and has dropped by to see how the food is looking. When Teresa butts in about how to prepare the dishes properly, the food stylist actually making all her "Skinny Italian" meals doesn't look so pleased.He's even less pleased when he hears her try to explain her recipes using words like "ingrediences" and pronouncing "cumen" "come in."
Interestingly enough, back in Jersey , Kathy goes to make amends with Caroline, after coming to the conclusion that Teresa is incapable of "an adult conversation." She does have a point there.Kathy wants to make a good second impression on the Real Housewives matriarch, but Caroline makes it quite condescendingly clear she wants nothing to do with the ladies' drama. While I see where she's coming from, I'm quickly learning to use her scenes for snack breaks.But don't feel too bad for Kathy – her husband Rich gives her a new Mercedes for her efforts at peacemaking. Do you think Kathy and Rich would be up for a trip to Camp David after the season wraps?
Now that we've gotten the less interesting stuff out of the way, let's get back to Joe Gorga's (albeit, brilliant) scheme for airtime: discussing sex on camera.
As Melissa is busy giving the children a bath, Joe finds himself in the mood for some sexy time with Melissa, whom he labels a "M.I.L.F." But throwing a wrench in his plans is their daughter Antonia, who is afraid of monsters and often sleeps in her parents' bed. Thus, she has earned the loving nickname of "the blocker."
Interestingly enough, Melissa is fine with "the blocker" because she's usually tired. Now we know who's reading her Grimm fairytales at night!
But Antonia's nightmares are no match for Joe, who insists genetics are to blame for his caveman-like tendencies."The Gorga family, we're known for our sex drive," he explains matter-of-factly. "My father is a very sexual man. And I guess I take after him. Whataya gonna do?"
Across town, Teresa is busy penning a letter to her brother to make amends, something she sees as her duty. "I'm his older sister. Obviously I have more brains than him," she explains.Luckily, while Joe is still reluctant to talk, Melissa is moved by the letter and wants to repair their relationship with Teresa. Looks like Joe's just going to have to deal with it ... that is, if he wants any.Just for fun, let's end on another one of Dr. Joe Gorga's reproductive lessons:
"You know when you just have a big, white zit and you just finally pop it and it just shoots across the room? That's all the testosterone – it's building up. That's poison; it's poison in your body."Dr. Ruth, you better watch your back!
